Yes, it’s raging rampant in the private, government, for-profit, and not-for-profit sectors.

The lack of a human operator.

When you call a company and the first thing you hear is a computer generated voice that wants to know what language you speak, every personal piece of information about you from who you went to kindergarten with to every line of your latest tax filing, and then demands you listen to a list from at least 1 to 9 for push-a-number selection, ONLY to be rewarded (once the drone has gone on for so long your head is throbbing) with ELEVATOR music and a “We’re sorry, all operators are busy now-Click” at the other end of the line, YOU KNOW the real message is….

BUZZ OFF, GO AWAY, STOP BOTHERING US!

Let’s name some guilty parties, shall we…

Medicaid in Florida

Department of Children and Families in Florida

These two agencies alone can keep you on the phone for two days straight, let’s say 8 hours of calling, without ever hearing a human voice or getting a response. But wait…they may eventually answer…don’t let that deceive you, their computer will be down, or they won’t find your SS#, or something, so you’ll be advised to apply all over again…from scratch!

FedEX.  I just got off the phone from them. Why? I was supposed to be call them so they could deliver a package, because they can’t find my house!!!!

FedEX. They are jetting around the globe, but they can’t find my house. Granted, it’s not to big. HERE FedEX, ever here of Google Maps, Yahoo Maps, or GPS!. Give them a try.

But there was Ms. Sweet Computer Voice, asking how she could help me. When really the question was, “How was I being forced to help them?”

Well, it’s been a long summer. I can sum it up in one word DOOR! I am grumpy. I am getting grumpier. Heck, I’m even angry at this point.

BUT, is it absolutely necessary that in order to buy  a door I must be a door expert to the point of calling the door factories, the lock factories, and learning about the entire industry from the inside out. Must I draw a map of my house which has been here for close to thirty years so someone can deliver a simple package.

Honestly, I’m tired of paying others to do the WORK that I AM THEN FORCED TO DO MYSELF, for, here’s the kicker, FREE.

So that’s American business today, charge your customer outrageous prices to let them do the work for themselves.

What a difference a knowledgable, human voice would make! Want that? Then call All County Lock and Key, Port St. Lucie, Florida.  772-878-6004. Remember what it feels like to talk to a human and get some customer service.

It’s an extension of my answer to his Twittered question about what resources and support systems mothers rely on most. @JonBurg, I hope this is helpful for your proposal.

Pain Points in the Life of a Mom

What do I look for in any service or resource?

1. Friendliness. Acceptance. Compassion.

YES, this comes FIRST!

Do you genuinely care about me and my needs? I don’t have the perfect child-, oh, he looks normal on the outside. He’s 8, but he has a language and speech delay of about 5 years. His IQ just qualifies him as mentally retarded. If his ADHD Daytrana patch is off (it’s only to be used 9 hours a day-and I reserve those hours for his teacher at school), then his hands are like an octopus and he’ll be into anything and everything. And there’s a hidden iceburg of issues you can’t see on the surface.

But do you CARE about him? Do you CARE about me?
Or are you just judging me…yep, I can see it-those judgmental looks.

And remember, even “normal” kids have temper tantrums, or don’t get their naps when they should, or get hungry and irritable, etc. YOU, whoever you are, when you were little, were NOT the perfect child at all moments. Not all adults act perfectly for that matter.

2. Knowledge

Do you know about your product and can you convey the key, relevant points to me, so I am assured that I can and have made the right choice (for me) about which thing to buy to meet my needs?
or
Do I HAVE to do all the homework myself and become an expert so I don’t end up with something useless and have huge buyer’s remorse?

Be specific. Not general. KNOW your product-don’t make the consumer become more expert than you.

(Skip to number 3 to avoid my moaning and groaning complaining!)

My son just figured out how to escape out of the patio door before school ended.

I went to a major home improvement store to buy a French patio door. I explained I needed to fit it with a Codelocks double combination lock to keep my son in. The salesperson was vague about which material would be best (vinyl, aluminum, steel, etc.) “Oh, they’re all good. It just depends. La-la-la.”; the lowest price point for my needs (“Don’t get the $299 door, after that, you could get any door, they are all fine. What do you want? “)-I’d already told him what I wanted.

The ONLY thing I learned from him was that “lite” means how many individual or seemingly individual panes of glass are in a door panel-and that was when I asked him specifically for a concrete definition. Everything else was just a wishy-washy, anything will do, or it depends answer. And yet, I was very specific with my desires: French double doors that can 1) accept this special double sided combination lock and 2) save energy on my monthly bills.

The measurer was the same wishy-washy type of guy (AND very judgmental-I was actually told to leave my house with my son during the installation!). He informed me he wasn’t informed on the products, just the installation. He called back later to confirm the $299 door would be no good. My son constantly leaned (or to be more accurate rougly banged against) the patio door while the measurer/installer was there.

In the aisle, I saw a sign for impact glass in a brochure (unaided by the salesperson) and after that banging experience thought, “Hmmm, I should probably see if I can get that too.” Impact glass became my 3rd need/desire.

I wanted or needed the equivalent of a flowchart to narrow down the best door either in picture/brochure format or through a salesman either selecting the best door with each needed/desired option in order of priority, if available, OR eliminating all non-workable options. In other words, I NEEDED CLEAR, PRECISE DIRECTION. I bought a $3400 (with installation, permit) door on the salesman’s advice without ever seeing a picture or receiving a concrete price.

Not once did I feel good about it. I was vulnerable, and I was already out of my price point just to have the thing installed for $750, so better to get THE door that WOULD work for the next 20 years than some cheap door that was inept for my needs. I expected miracles at that seemingly outrageous price. The door wasn’t installed until July 5th, I began the buying, ordering process over Memorial Day weekend. The locksmith came out-it wouldn’t accept the lock I needed to put on-the first words out of my mouth to the salesperson had been about the lock. Utter shock and disbelief. Incredulity. Anger. Frustration. Those were my emotions.

Now I have to guard the door or padlock it closed from the outside!  I can’t help but think I paid $3400 to get a bicycle chain and padlock! The home improvement store finally agreed to replace the door after spending most of July trying to salvage it by finding a different, they know now, non-existent compatible lock. Once that avenue was closed, they’ve taken a week to affirm that a non-bored, impact glass, energy saving door is indeed available-in steel. How did they know that? I had to educate them and let them know about it-this includes the district sales rep for the door company! because they were convinced one didn’t exist. (Yet, it took only 1 1/2 hours for someone I know in a different state to find this information out from the competing home improvement store on my behalf!) Don’t make a customer reduce your learning curve! They are still checking this out. It’s been 5 days and counting for this piece of the puzzle. 5 days on one hand-1 1/2 hours on the other. You tell me!

With only three weeks left of summer, I’ve been (had to be) consumed with this problem every day. It will go down in my memory as one of the most miserable summers of my life! Solve your customers’ problems-DON’T CREATE THEM!

(I can see this working with HDTVs, with major appliances, with all home improvement items, with choosing the right outfits for important events or looking your everyday best.) Guide your customer in the right direction, don’t lead them down the wrong path at great expense!

3. Dependability. Reliability.

Does your product do what it says it will do? With the least amount of effort?

Real life examples:

Tilex brand = elbow grease in a bottle that you have to pay for.

X-14 brand= squirt about the place of concern, let it sit, go off and have fun, come back and presto! whamo! No mildew, no soap scum, nothing but CLEAN!

4. Accessibility.

Now here’s the thing. It leaves me incredulous.
You can buy Tilex anywhere. But you have to search high and low to find someplace that carries X-14.

Can I find your product to buy it without jumping through hoops?

5. Affordability.

I’m a teacher, NOT living in the Hamptons. Can I afford your product? Babies are very expensive items, and they don’t become less expensive as time goes by.

Make your profit margin, but don’t get greedy about it. Honor your employees with fair wages, take into account all of your manufacturing costs beyond labor as well. But don’t let me read in the paper that your CEO is making 100 times what I do! because I’m extremely sure they don’t work nearly as hard or as long as I (or any mother) does!

Real life example: At $100, the Hoover Floormate is fairly priced. Yes, it hurts a bit to buy it; but after buying every cheap mop or steam mop on the market and not getting more than a 1 ft. by 1 ft. square patch of clean without having to begin again by changing the water or washable mop head, etc. it’s WORTH EVERY PENNY! AND MORE!

When a customer would have been willing to pay MORE for your product than they were charged, you are at a very good price point! Because then, you’ve exceeded their expectations AND given them value! No one wants to feel ripped off or taken advantage of.

6. Follow-up.

I bought a new Volkswagen Jetta. I loved that car. The dealer, Stuart Volkswagen, gave me a great price, they worked their butts off to get me the color I wanted and an extra power outlet! They gave me good financing (better than I obtained elsewhere). They listened to my needs and wants and delivered exactly those things to me.

NOW, I get Volkswagen emails on about a monthly basis-not a deluge of them, just the right amount of trickle. I actually LOOK FORWARD TO THEM!

Like my car, they are clean, crisp, modern, but not pompous. They highlight, visually and with text, clearly one feature of the car that I may not have noticed in the sales pitch-the nuances of the windshield wipers, tricks for opening the trunk with the key fob, how to make the windows raise or lower once you are already out of the car with the ignition turned off. I learn!

and back to my number 1 point. I get the message that THEY CARE. ABOUT ME.

And I feel warm inside. I get happy just stepping into my car and whizzing about in it. It makes me joyful, appreciative, and confident-that I’m the luckiest, most well-appointed driver on the road!

How did this happen you may ask? The head in the dryer. Well, while cooking dinner last night, the all important question arose? Where’s LUKE? This is always a question lurking with danger. Well, we found him. In the garage. With the dogs. One dog had apparently been immersed in the washer, and then tumbled in the dryer-both working full steam with loads full of clothes and now also, a dog. A wet, scared, and pooping dog. Poor Pi! Well, Arielle wisked both dogs away and soothed them, gave them baths in the tub (what an ingenious place to clean a dog!), and they were as good as new. Thankfully.

WARNING: Do not read the following while eating.

That is until this morning. When I myself emerged from the dryer, got both loads of clothes clean again, and heard from Luke. “Pi sick.” Sure enough he had thrown up. So I got that cleaned up. I suppose any poor dog whose been so traumatized the night before deserves to be sick as often as they need. But then poor Luke, seeing that, throws up himself. So, now my house isn’t clean-is that the world’s most impossible task or what?-but it is clean of poop and well, the aftermath. And that’s one small victory! And I’m so desperate for these little victories, I’ll take it.

Luke is my eight year old son. IQ: 68-69. That qualifies as mildly, or in some states, educably mentally retarded/disabled/challenged/handicapped.

Following the bell curve 100 is the average IQ.

Add 30 to make 130 and you qualify as gifted with an intelligence in the top 2% of the population.

Subtract 30 to make 70 and you qualify as mentally retarded in the bottom 2% of the population. That’s where Luke falls.

Since he turned two, and actually maybe before, life has been a real adventure, full of a lot of frustration, expense, drama, terror, and demolition. But he’s also the most charming, handsome, sweet, lovable little being ever created. And there are a lot of stories.

So maybe this blog will help preserve them. Turn this life we lead into a life worth living, provide some purpose, and allow you, the reader, a glimpse inside life with Luke. Maybe it will help us find solutions to some of our problem-solving needs or help you, if you face a life like ours. Because not a lot of people do. And it’s not always easy. But it’s rarely boring. Although a lot of our stories follow the same recurring theme, “Where’s Luke?” A phrase to strike terror into the heart of the mighty.